War on Orochi
by Shining Pheonix
Summary: Orochimaru is a twisted genius. We all knew that. But we may not have known just how twisted he truly was. A dark and treacherous game of lies, poisons, and deceit leaves Team Seven caught in the crossfire, and they may never be the same again. GB, Mature Themes


War On Orochi

Book 1: Chapter 1

Changing Fox

-\\Naruto-

This was definitely bad. Like the bridge in Wave all over again, but without Kakashi-sensei to fall back on. The tall freak in drag had walked all over our team without much effort, sicking a giant snake on me and personally scaring the ever-living daylights out of Sasuke and Sakura. I managed to kill the damn snake with a massive kage-bunshin diet, but by the time I made it back to the others, Sakura was on the ground, but she looked like she was slowly pulling herself back together. Sasuke, on the other hand, was trying to go toe-to-toe with the freak. 'Trying' being the operative word. The drag queen, who I think is calling himself "Orochimaru", had drawn a black kunai and was slowly boxing the Uchiha in, using some kind of explosive mud and sheer combat ability. Sasuke was not going down without a fight, though, as he was retaliating at eery turn with bursts of flame and steel, and it looked like he had drawn blood from his enemy at least a few times. My teammate's luck seemed to run out though, as the tall bastard used a hard backhand to knock Sasuke off his feet, before lifting him by his shirt. Then the Freak _bit_ Sasuke's neck.

Yeah, I was _not_ letting that noise stand, and I was still running hot on the fox's chackra from fighting the snake earlier. My fist was buried in the bastard's face before he even realized I was _there_, forcing him to let go of my friend as he reeled back. Almost as quickly as I had struck, however, that black kunai was flying at _my_ face! No time to dodge or properly parry, I let the blade sink into my left palm while I drew a knife of my own. There was an _odd_ look on the Freak's face as I charged him, and it occurred to me that his last move might have been a reflex shot rather than one actually meant for me. Still didn't matter, I was going to rearrange this guy's face the hard way.

Before I got the opportunity, Orochimaru spewed a massive plume of smoke in my face, and when I reached the other side he was gone.

"Naruto! There's something wrong with Sasuke!"

Sakura had managed to finish pulling herself together, and was going over something on Sasuke's neck, near where Orochimaru had bitten him. I ran over to my downed teammate, letting Kyuubi's chackra fade. What I saw on Sasuke's neck stopped me cold. I know a thing or two about seals and sealing jutsu, and a seal with elements so tightly packed that it may as well be solid black, applied by an enemy, was _not _a good thing.

"What is this?" Sakura asked, indicating the still twisting seal.

"Trouble." was my immediate answer. I had some sealing jutsu supplies in my belt pouch, and I was already pulling them out. "and I'm gonna stop it."

As I was grabbing my brush, however, Sakura grabbed my left wrist.

"Hold on!" She shouted. "At least let me fix _that_!"

Looking at the hand she was grabbing, it finally dawned on me that I still had that damn black knife stuck through it.

"Oh, ouch." I deadpanned, but still nodded to Sakura that she could continue. Taking a deep breath, our team medic grabbed the handle before removing the kunai in one smooth motion. Still hurt like a bitch, but Sakura had the wound dressed in short order, and my own healing factor was already kicking in.

"There, that should hold for the time being."

Giving a quick nod of thanks to my pink haired medic, I got back to the task at hand, tracing every anti-curse glyph I knew in a double tetrahedral pattern around the three swirling glyphs. As I continued the elements over Sasuke's shoulder and up his neck, I felt my adrenaline start to slack off, bringing the pain of my stabbed hand back full force. Maybe it was just a reaction to the pain or the adrenaline, but I was certainly starting to feel nauseous..

"Naruto? Are you ok?"

I could barely register the concerned voice any more than the brush falling from my hand, simply because the world was beginning spin, and the nausea was getting worse. My last coherent thought was that Sakura's hair looked prettier in blue.

-Section Break\\Sakura-

I knew something was wrong when Naruto's hands started shaking. Whatever he may be elsewhere, he knows what he's doing when it comes to seals, and he has an almost unnaturally steady hand when it comes to them. When he dropped the brush, I was already moving, grabbing a fistfull of orange jacket even as Naruto's body was going slack.

"Look prettier in blue..."

I wasn't even going to try to understand that last statement, as it was obviously made in delirium.

"Naruto! Naruto, answer me!"

A quick shake got no response, and the quickly forming beads of sweat are worrying. Not to mention that I have absolutely _no_ idea how to finish the seal work on Sasuke!

"Well, fuck."

I spun, bringing the black kunai up in a defensive position at the voice of someone behind me, only to pause in confusion.

"Shikamaru?"

The rest of Team 10 were quickly climbing up behind the Nara heir, who was looking over the former battlefield with a critical eye.

"Yeah, I'd say that this qualifies as well past troublesome."

Wasting little time, the pineapple-haired genin moved to Sasuke's side, taking a look over Naruto's seal work before turning back to his own team.

"Ino! See what you can do for Naruto! Choji, I'm gonna need another brush!"

Turning back to Sasuke, Shikamaru began asking questions.

"What happened, be as concise as you can."

I took a deep breath for my nerves as I moved beside him.

"We were attacked by someone calling themselves Orochimaru. He used some kind of snake summon to separate our team before he tried to set his and our scrolls on fire. Sasuke managed to save them, but I'm not quite sure what happened after that, he hit me with some kind of genjutsu that took me a while to get out of. When I did, Naruto had made it back, and Sasuke was fighting Orochimaru with ninjutsu. I know that Orochimaru hit Sasuke, and applied this" I indicated the three swirling tattoos at the center of Naruto's unfinished seal. "Somehow. Naruto managed to land a hit on the guy, and got stabbed for his trouble. I'm pretty sure the blade was poisoned, because he started to get like that after I pulled it out."

Shikamaru nodded his understanding as Choji handed him a new set of brush and ink, his hands picking up where Naruto had left off.

"Right, that makes... Wait, you pulled out a stab injury?"

"Yeah, Naruto has a healing factor."

"'kay. Think I see where he was going with this."

The last part was said more to himself than it was me, as the shadow user finished another set of glyphs. I really needed to talk Naruto into telling me more about sealing arts, as most of the arcane glyphs being painted on Sasuke's skin meant little to me.

"So, how did you guys find us?"

Choji fielded that question, his bag of chips conspicuous if only in absence.

"We heard all the explosions from Sasuke's fire jutsu, then Ino heard you scream. We came running after that."

I nodded my understanding to the boy as Ino tapped my shoulder.

"I could use a hand with Naruto if you're free."

Shikamaru gave me a quick wave of his free hand, saying that he had the sealwork under control, so I turned to Naruto, who Ino had forced into a more or less upright postion.

"What do you need help with?"

Ino tugged on one of Naruto's jacket sleeves.

"Do you know how heavy this thing is? It's no wonder he's sweating bullets!"

Something wasn't quite right with that, but I was to distracted with Sasuke's condition to really put my finger on what. Rather than worry about it, I helped Ino pull the jacket off. The thing _was_ heavy, almost like...

"Well, that explains a few things."

Through a split seem on the inner lining, I could actually see where the crazy fool had sewn chainmail into the material, making relatively inconspicuous armor. Even Ino got a chuckle out of it.

"Crazy idiot. Who does something like that?"

All laughing stopped when I actually felt Naruto's skin. He was running a fever, and I could actually _feel_ his abdominal muscles twitching.

"Ino, do you still carry that anti-toxin paultice?"

Not bothering to waste time answering, Ino pulled the poultice in question from her pouch, and replaced my bandage work with it. The blonde mentalist frowned, however, as she looked where the blood seeped through the fabric of the bandage.

"What's wrong?"

Ino's frown deepened as she sprinkled a few more crushed petals onto the bandage.

"If poison is present in the blood, these petals should pull it out and turn black. Whatever's doing this isn't poison."

My blood stopped cold. The nightmare of any ninja with medical training, and it was being used on my team.

"A bio weapon." The words were barely more than a whisper.

-Section Break\\Shikamaru-

The last glyphs were in place, only thing left was to charge the matrix. I gave a quick nod to Choji, who gave only a slight return nod in acknowledgment before taking up a defensive stance. No way to tell if Uchiha was going to be combative when he comes out of this, so best be prepared. I placed one hand in the center of the matrix, and with a burst of chakra the seal fell into place. Uchiha was up like a shot, gasping for air, eyes wild, like they were searching for something that wasn't there anymore.

"What...? Where...?"

I sat a hand on his shoulder. Calculated risk, but it worked. Uchiha started focusing on me almost immediately. Looking at his face, I already knew I didn't want to ask the questions I knew I had to, but there was nothing for it.

"Do you remember where you are?"

I started with something easy, had to gauge his reaction. The guy moved his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes like he was trying to shake himself all the way awake.

"I'm... Wait... We're still in the Forest of Death, right? That means... Wait, where's my team?! And that bastard who jumped us?"

I let go of the breath I didn't realize I had been holding. Poor guy had taken a shock to the system, but it hadn't been any worse than that.

"Bastard took off shortly before we got here. Sakura's alright, but Naruto took a bad hit. The girls are patching him up now."

Uchiha nodded once, slowly, and let out his own held breath. I did have to grab his hand as he reached for the seal on his neck. Gotta say that the guy has an impressive death glare for someone who just woke up from a near death experience.

"Just a warning, that bastard tried to do something to you, and its being held back by the chakra equivalent of duct tape and prayers. Don't rub."

The moment of shock in his face was a good sign, meant that he was still thinking straight, and the warning got through. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ino grab Choji before turning to shout at me.

"We need to get Naruto to the tower, now!"

The tone, more than anything, had my attention, and Uchiha's too, by the way he jumped upright.

"What's wrong? I thought he'd just been hit?"

Ino shook her head, as she helped Sakura pick the blonde in question up.

"We think that knife has some kind of bio weapon on it. Naruto's temperature just keeps going up, and..."

Whatever Ino was about to say was cut off by the other blonde groaning in pain, accompanied by the clasp of the poor guy's belt snapping.

"What the...? Hey!?"

Sakura tried to grab the pants to at least preserve _some_ level of the guy's modesty, but couldn't quite juggle the weight on her shoulder and make the grab at the same time, so down they fell, underwear and all.

And then I was left trying to wrap my head around what I was seeing. Rather, I was trying to wrap my head around what I _wasn't _seeing. Uchiha beat me to the punch.

"Where's his junk?"

-Section Break\\Naruto-

The world came back slowly and I really wish it hadn't. My gut hurt worse than the time I accidentally drank an entire carton of sour milk, my head was throbbing like a bad hangover, and for whatever reason I had a serious case of jock itch going on. The throbbing in my hand told me that I hadn't been out for more than eight hours, otherwise the fox's boost to my healing factor would have taken care of that already. Cracking an eye open revealed a large exam room, pretty standard at most of Konoha's military installations. I should know, I've been in and out of most of them.

Apparently my awakening didn't go unnoticed, because someone starting calling for a nurse on the other side of the privacy screen they had set up. The next moment revealed that person to be Sasuke, as he walked around the screen.

"Welcome back to the land of the living."

It still hurt to laugh, but I at least gave him a weak chuckle. I had used that same crack on him back in Wave after our final fight with Haku.

"So, where are we?"

My teammate pulled a nearby chair over to make himself comfortable before starting his explanation.

"Training Ground 44's Tower. It's the first night, well I guess second morning now, of the exam. We brought you here after you passed out. Turns out that Orochimaru had a bio weapon on that kunai he stabbed you with."

I winced at that. My healing ability as a jinchuuriki gave me a natural resistance to most poisons, but contagions? Not so much.

"How bad is it?" I didn't really want to know, but I also knew I needed to.

Sasuke took a deep breath before answering, which worried me a little.

"It's... not as bad as it could be. Your not contagious, and the doctors think the infection has ran its course."

I was sensing a 'but' in there, and told him as such, which prompted another deep breath. Two bracing breaths? A sign to run for cover if ever there was one.

"It turns out that Orochimaru, the freak who attacked us, is one sick piece of work. The bacteria on that knife was meant to infect males only."

Yeah, should have ran when I had the chance. Nothing for it but to push through, though.

"So... what? I'm sterile? Never gonna be able to have kids?"

The last loyal Uchiha shook his head.

"No, from what I got out of the doctor, you should still be able to have kids..."

Okay, first good news I've gotten this whole conversation...

"Just not the way you expected to."

…

…

…

"Huh?"

Sasuke ran a hand over his face and hair, one of his tells when he was stressed.

"Basically, the bastard gender bent you."

… I _couldn't_ have heard that right.

"... Say again?"

It almost looked like Sasuke wanted to run from this conversation as much as I did, but was soldiering on.

"The long story short, you're general body shape won't change, but you're a full girl between the legs. Womb and everything. Like I said, the guy is one _sick_ fuck."

Not saying a word, I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes, counting backwards from ten. Then I did it again in runic.

"Naruto?"

Opening my eyes again didn't change anything, I was still in the same room, having the same conversation with Sasuke. Only one way to know for sure that this wasn't some elaborate hack.

"Naruto?!"

I didn't even look at Sasuke as I pushed the sheet down. There it was, with no deniability. I was a guy with a vagina between his legs. It was like something out of a bad manga for crying out loud!

It took me a couple more numeral runs before I was able to look at Sasuke again. He apparently didn't want to look himself, having turned towards a small nightstand.

"So..." he started, testing the waters.

"Yeah..." I followed suit.

Sasuke handed me a set of clothes that he had taken from the nightstand while I was... occupied. My black shirt was no surprise, as well as my armored jacket, but the black pants and white girl's underwear...

"Sakura loaned you the underwear, and one of the medics found a pair of pants in storage that should fit you."

Rather than flip out over the female underwear, I just took a deep breath and went with it. After all, Sakura was my teammate, and this was probably freaking her out as much as it was me, so I could accept the act of kindness for what it was and just put the clothes on.

I had only gotten the shirt and underwear on by the time the medic had gotten to the room, who went back over most of what Sasuke had already told me, but with more technical jargon. Most of what I got out of it was that while my reproductive organs had obviously been changed, my hormone levels would remain mostly the same, mainly testosterone and just enough estrogen to remain fertile. Apparently, the guy who made the bug had meant this as a means of both physical and psychological torture, so my attraction to girls and sex drive had been left untouched. Sick fuck. After giving me a few basic instructions, as well as an order to see my primary physician as soon as we got out of this exam, she left.

"So, where do we stand in the exam?" I asked after the medic left, both honestly curious and just trying to break the tension in the room.

Sasuke seemed almost grateful for the easy out, relaxing just a little.

"We're still in, as well as Team 10 and one or two others that made it in early. Shikamaru's team and ours were kept in isolation for a few hours while the medics made sure that we weren't going to infect everyone in the tower."

I mulled that over as I finished pulling my sandals on. It made sense, given that we had just survived a brush with an unknown bio-weapon. I was honestly amazed that they had let us out so soon, given the situation.

"Alright, where are we meeting everyone?"

Sasuke finally turned back around and offered me a hand off the hospital bed.

"There's a fully stocked mess hall a few floors up, and their open twenty four hours. Thought you might be hungry since you haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday."

"Sounds good to me."

Taking that first step was harder than it should have been, like the muscles weren't pulling the right way. The second step left me flat on my face.

"Naruto?!"

Sasuke was back in an instant, but I waved him off, pushing myself back up.

"I'm fine! I'm fine!"

"You're sure? I can go get the medics..."

I shook my head to cut him off.

"Really! Just stiff and sore, you know..."

He seemed to get the idea, standing back to give me a little more room to do the same.

"Need a shoulder? Just until you get your bearings?"

I'd never say it out loud, but I was grateful for that shoulder. I probably would have never made it to the mess hall without help, and Sasuke was one of the few people who I knew wouldn't make a big deal out of it. It wasn't the first time either of us had pulled the other off of a battlefield, after all. I had recovered enough by the time we reached the mess hall that I could walk on my own, but I was going to need all three remaining days if I was going to get back to fighting condition.

The mess had more people in it than I would have expected for the time of night, but most of the patrons looked like they were teams that had just made it in, including Team 8, who were waving us over.

"Yo! Naruto, Sasuke!"

Inuzuka Kiba moved over, offering the benches next to himself and his teammates to me and mine while yelling loudly at the chuunin running the mess that the table needed more food. The chuunin flipped him off, but she did bring Sasuke and me full trays in short order. While we dug into our meals, Kiba began regaling everyone in hearing distance about how his team managed to score a lucky break early on.

"If you managed to score such an easy scroll," Sasuke interjected. "Why did it take you so long to get here?"

Kiba looked like he was ready to start a brawl, but Aburame Shino spoke before he ever got the chance.

"We ran into some..._thing_, that forced us to take a lengthy detour to avoid detection. I understand that your team ran into a similar predicament. Something about a rogue shinobi and a possible bio-weapon?"

I sighed at that. If Team 8 already knew about my predicament, then it wouldn't be long before _everyone_ did.

"Something like that. What have you heard?"

Shino adjusted his collar to give himself easier access to his food.

"Not much, I admit. Only that two teams that passed through earlier encountered a high ranked rogue ninja who uses biological weapons, and that at least one of the teams may have been exposed."

"High rank barely scratches the surface." Sasuke fielded. "Bastard was an honest to kami S rank, and we were lucky to get out with our lives."

Hyuuga Hinata, the anemic girl sitting next to me, nearly choked on her bite of desert at that.

"S rank? Is everyone alright?"

For whatever reason, I didn't like the idea of Hinata being upset, so I gave a laugh using bravado that I really didn't feel.

"Alright? Sasuke and I got a little banged up, but we managed to get everyone else out without a scratch. And the bastards 'weapon' was barely worth the term, medics let us all go after just a few hours."

Hinata seemed to relax at that, quietly mentioning that it was good that everyone was okay, but I wasn't sure that Shino was as convinced. He seemed to be giving me an odd look behind those sunglasses of his, but he didn't press the issue.

-Section Break\\Shino-

Determining that Uzumaki-kun was lying was an exercise in triviality. I had already noted a massive shift in his pheromone levels as soon as he entered the room, and the spikes given off during the conversation displayed his emotions to me like a bonfire on a hill. I didn't press the matter, however. It was clear that most of his falsehoods were meant to relieve, rather than deceive.

I listened with little interest to the conversation, mostly idle chatter and small talk as Uzumaki-kun and Kiba-kun compared battle stories, while Uchiha-san added commentary as needed. After a half hour had passed, Haruno-san approached, and whispered something into Uchiha-san's ear. The fire-user quickly but politely excused himself before collecting his teammates and exiting the mess hall in short order.

"Alright, anyone else think Naruto was full of it?"

I adjusted my sunglasses at Kiba-kun's rather subdued proclamation. Clearly, Uzumaki-kun's change had not gone unnoticed by my teammate's nose either.

"What are you saying, Kiba-kun? Why would Naruto-kun lie to us?"

"To keep us from worrying, clearly." I answered. "Based on his pheromone levels, it's clear that he suffered some kind of significant injury."

"I'm guessing that 'weapon' was some kind of sterilizing agent." the dog master interjected. "He was putting out the wrong scent for a guy, and it would be something the medics could clear up in a few hours."

Hinata-chan gave a small gasp at that. "A-anno, that would mean..."

"We don't know for sure." I asserted. "And until Uzumaki-san or his team is willing to talk on the subject, all we have is conjecture."

"There's clearly something going on here." Kiba interrupted. "And I'd like to know what it is."

I gave a small nod, acknowledging his point. "Be that as it may, we should take the few days of downtime we have to rest and recover, as there is no way of knowing what the instructor's are going to throw at us next."

-Section Break\\Sasuke-

Kakashi-sensei looked over Naruto and Shikamaru's handiwork, giving a small noise of approval.

"Well, for a rush job this isn't too bad. We'll have this finished in no time."

I felt the man's hands leave my shoulder, only to be replaced by the cool, slimy brush tip. It was impossible to tell what glyphs were being applied from feel alone, the brush diffused the feeling too much. I hate to put more on his plate, but I'll need Naruto to go over the elements with a fine-tooth comb. It felt like ages before Kakashi was done, but it was likely just a few minutes, and the matrix didn't feel very large at all, barely covering my shoulder blade and side of my face.

"Alright, you'll want to grit your teeth."

I followed his advice, waiting for the pain to hit. I didn't have to wait long. It felt like lightning slammed through my skin, and I'd like to imagine it traced over the shrinking elements as the matrix began working to its purpose, making the already dim voice in the back of my head quieter before the shock disappeared and was replaced by ice water in my brain. The experience left me shaking, but I didn't collapse.

"Together with the first, my seal will hold the curse at bay. But remember, the basis of any counter curse is strength of will. So long as your will remains strong, the seals will hold."

I tried to remember as much of the explanation as I could focus on, as I would need to repeat it to both Naruto and Nara to make sure it wasn't complete bull. Even still, I was sure that I missed a few things as my legs finally gave in and left me on the cold floor, and my world went completely out of focus. What felt like a few seconds later everything stopped spinning, and I found myself staring at the underside of Naruto's bunk in the small room our team had been assigned.

"Hey, I think he's awake!"

Sakura was hovering again, a soaked cloth in her hand. Even though I knew that should annoy me, I was finding it harder and harder to let it. The girl, for whatever her faults, did honestly care, and that meant more to me than any minor irritation could counter.

"Sasuke? You back with us?"

Naruto's head was upside down, hanging from the bunk above and making his hair spikier than normal. While the scene was funny, the look of concern was _not_, and brought me back to the moment.

"I'm awake." I waved Sakura's towel off as I sat up, giving in to temptation and rubbing my aching neck. Naruto's scowl of concern deepened, but he didn't try to stop me. I took it as a good sign.

"I double-checked Kaka-sensei's seal like you asked." Naruto gave up his upside down perch only to slip to the floor. "It looks like it should work as advertised, and suppress the power of the Snake Bastard's work."

I gave a nod of silent thanks, trying to remember Kakashi's warning from earlier.

"He said something about the suppressor being powered by my will. That mean anything to you?"

The blonde took a thinking pose, eyes unfocussed as he skimmed what he knew of his art.

"Yeah, yeah, that jives." He answered. "Almost every counter curse is based on will, either that of the author or that of the medium, in this case you."

Both Sakura and I had given him our complete attention and nodded our understanding, allowing him to continue.

"A curse is basically an attack on your will, so it's only logical that counter curses would strengthen and draw strength from your will."

Sakura held her hand up to interrupt. "Okay, so what is 'will'?"

"'Will' is that portion of the mind that fights outside influences. It can also be called determination, or mental strength. Its the first and last line of defense for the human psyche, which is why curses weaken it."

That seemed to satisfy the medic, so she let Naruto continue his explanation.

"That's why curses attack will. The whole point to them is to change some aspect of the victim's psyche. Even still, a curse can only build on something that was already present in the victim, but since all humans have some level of obedience it's a useful way to make willing slaves."

I gave a silent thanks to Kami-sama that Naruto and Shikamaru had been so close when that Bastard struck. If they hadn't, I may have been walking a very different path now.

Naruto seemed to have wrapped up his summary, so I pushed my way completely upright, glad that I still had my shirt on.

"So, why did you want me to go over Kaka-sensei's seal, anyway?"

That was coming, and there was as little chance to escape this conversation as there was the one earlier. I pulled my headband back on, if just to stall for a moment.

"Do you remember our first survival exam, and how everything Kakashi did there felt like it was done with a purpose?" I got two nods, so I continued. "That continued for the first two, maybe three days? Then it felt like he was being lazy just for the sake of it?"

The nods continued, so did I.

"That felt odd to me, but I didn't think much about it at the time. Then, it seemed like he was spending almost no time on actual training, and was just wasting our time before collecting us for missions each day."

Naruto tilted his head slightly, an odd look on his face. "What's your point?"

"My point," I continued. "Is that he didn't show us any kind of real training until Zabuza showed up, and it seemed like that was done under extreme duress. The same training that Nara and his team got in the first week."

Sakura stiffened a little. "You think Kakashi-sensei is deliberately sabotaging our training?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. All I have is circumstantial, but it's a lot of circumstantial."

I couldn't help rubbing my neck, the tension in it was massive. I didn't want to make them share my fears and worries, but at least they were out in the open now. As Naruto would say, 'nothing for it but to push on'.

"Anyway, what time is it?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head, clearly unimpressed by my terrible change of subject.

"Just before nine a.m., second day. If you're up to it, we were gonna head to the roof to get some practice in."

It didn't take much to read between the lines. Naruto was moving easier than he had been last night, but still looked like he was getting used to the new way his legs moved. I gave my assent, and after a quick trip to the mess hall we made our way to the tower's rooftop.

-Section Break\\Sakura-

I wasn't really sure how I should be reacting to Naruto now. On the one hand, he was still the same person I had grown to know over the last eight months, a socially awkward but gifted seal adept and ninja who made no secret his love of the female form. On the other hand, technically speaking he was now _part_ of the female form. It didn't help that he seemed to be trying to avoid the issue as much as possible. However...

"Naruto, you really shouldn't scratch like that in public!"

The blonde gave me an odd look, some mixture of embarrassment and pain, before whispering.

"But it _itches _like _mad!"_

That... wasn't what I was expecting. But the medic in me was already going over potential causes, so I best get as much information as I can.

"What do you mean? Is it inside or outside?"

Apparently, Naruto didn't even want Sasuke to overhear his answer, because he looked to make sure our teammate was still at the mess window before he spoke.

"It feels like a bad case of jock itch." he quietly admitted. "All over my crotch."

Alright, that was something to go on. Irritation of the entire groin wasn't unheard of with some infections, as well as several sexually transmitted diseases, but both of those would have likely been present before Naruto's transformation. _Before_ his transformation...

"Naruto," I began. "Just curious, but do you shave your, well, your 'carpet'?"

It took a moment before he recognized the innuendo, but he shook his head.

"Not really, I didn't really need to before... ya' know..."

I almost wanted to laugh, but that would have been incredibly mean, given the circumstances.

"That's your problem." I quietly explained. "When a girl's carpet gets out of hand, it will itch. That's why most of them keep it trimmed pretty short."

Oh, I wish I had a camera, the look on Naruto's face was priceless! Then I realized _why_ he had that face. Poor guy had _no_ idea how to shave like that, or even where to look for help with it. But _I_ am here, and I do know a thing or two about feminine shaving...

"Uhmm... If you'd like, I can show you the basic idea. Y'know, when we get back to the room..."

Naked relief should _not_ look so unfamiliar to a person's face. It certainly should not look like it had been literal _years_ since a face had last made said expression. I got the impression of both when Naruto looked at me, and I decided then and there that, awkward or not, I was going to try and reconnect with my teammate.

"That would be _awesome_, Sakura!"

"What would be awesome?"

Sasuke had finished turning in our used plates and utensils, and had returned to our table, just in time to hear Naruto's exclamation.

"Oh, just that I was going to invite everyone to my family's hotspring after the exam is all." I covered as fast as I could. Sasuke seemed thoroughly unconvinced for a moment, but finally just shrugged.

"Sounds good. You two ready to go?"

A nervous chuckle or two and we were on our way to the roof.

-Section Break\\Asuma-

Trailing Kakashi's brats was easy, using advanced stealth techniques and wind ninjutsu to negate any sound. Or I was already on the roof because my old man outlawed smoking in military buildings. Take your pick. Either way, I was out of sight as they started running some basic exercises.

"How's it going, Asuma?"

I gave Kurenai a polite nod of greeting as the red-eyed woman took a seat next to me.

"Looks like Orochimaru's loosing his touch if his victims are back at it barely a day later."

Kurenai shrugged. "Yeah, did you see the after-action report?"

I took a long drag before answering. "Yeah... If I didn't think the guy was sick in the head before, that certainly took care of it."

Kurenai pulled a stick of pocky from the box she was carrying. Sweets this early? Not a good sign.

"Did you know that Kakashi didn't even visit Naruto after they were cleared by the medics?"

I almost choked on the smoke in my lungs at that.

"You're kidding? He makes sure the Uchiha is taken care of, but doesn't visit Naruto at all?"

A second stick of chocolate coated cookie followed the first before answering.

"I wish I was."

I leaned back against the wall, letting the smoke curl around us as I processed that. It wasn't unheard of for a sensei to take a favorite student, but the whole point to the three man squad was that, even with a favorite, all three students would receive roughly equal attention. To completely ignore two in favor of the third...

"Hey, your kids are here."

I looked back down just in time to see Choji close the stairway door. It was impossible to hear what Ino was saying from here, but she and Sakura were happily chatting away while Shikamaru joined the other 'boys' in their katas. Yeesh, but that's still an odd thought.

A couple hours of motion exercises went by without much excitement, but after a while Sasuke and Shikamaru broke from the group for a 'breather'. A quick and quiet wind ninjutsu allowed Kurenai and I to listen in without being close.

"So, what's this all about?"

Shikamaru was slouching over the railing while his conversation partner sipped a drink.

"I need help investigating Kakashi."

My shadow weilding student perked up a little at that.

"This have anything to do with what you mentioned earlier?"

"Yeah. I was kinda hoping you could take it to your father..."

Kurenai gave me a look, but Shikamaru answered her before I could.

"Hoping that the son of the Jounin Commander has his father's ear? Yeah, I can do that, but I can't promise that anything will come from it."

Kurenai stood up, tugging at my arm. "Come on." She insisted.

I barely had time to grab my cigarette before the red-eyed woman yanked me upright.

"What's the hurry?" I asked, struggling to keep us from being heard by the kids.

"I'm not letting them beat us to an investigation of that Scarecrow!"

-Section Break\\Naruto-

We may have only been doing basic calisthenics, but it got freaking _hot_ on that rooftop, and everyone was sweating before we were done. So it was no wonder that Ino insisted that everyone hit the showers. We said goodbye to Shika and his teammates as they headed towards their dorm on the next floor down and we headed towards ours. Along the way, Sakura stopped by the Quartermaster's window, saying that she needed to pick up a few things. After we got back to the dorm, Sasuke raised a point that I hadn't even considered.

"Naruto, which shower are you going to use?"

Crap. I didn't even think about that. I mean, I still _looked_ like a guy, but I didn't really have all the right _parts_ at the moment...

It was Sakura who made the choice for me.

"Uhm, no offense, Naruto, but it really wouldn't be appropriate for you to use the guys' showers right now."

Sasuke was no help to me either, only giving a minor shrug before grabbing his own toiletries and heading down the hall, leaving me to Sakura and the one place I thought I'd never get into and come back out of alive. The girls' shower room.

The medic pushed me in before her, forcing me to hold both of our toiletry kits. Even with the hurry, I did get a quick look around. The only real difference I noticed between the guys' showers was the lack of curtains separating the shower heads, otherwise they were near identical. That might make things a little awkward.

Behind me, I heard Sakura take a quick breath before speaking.

"Okay, the Quartermaster said that we're the only team on this floor, so we shouldn't have anyone randomly bursting in on us."

Okay, that was a bit of a relief, but that still wasn't going to help the fact that I had no _idea_ how we were going to take a shower without...

"So, strip."

...Seeing each other naked.

"Uhh, Sakura...?"

Sakura had already taken her hite-ate off, and was working on her shorts when I stole a quick glance over my shoulder. I could already feel my face lighting up, and Sakura was blushing as well.

"I promised to help you shave, right? So, start stripping."

I turned back around, trying to keep my face from catching fire, but started undressing nonetheless. A few moments later, both Sakura and I were down to nothing but a pair of towels, mine around my waist and Sakura's around her chest.

"Okay, then."

The pink haired girl grabbed her basket and moved toward the short stools under the shower heads, motioning for me to do the same.

"First things first, let's take a look at what we're dealing with."

Was she saying what I think she's...

Sakura dropped her towel into her basket, while motioning at mine.

If I had any question about whether I still liked girls, I didn't now.

My face tried to ignite itself into a new _star_, but I followed Sakura's lead, dropping my towel into the provided basket next to the stool. Sitting down on the wood stool was a _weird_ sensation, not quite slimy, but not quite wet, either.

"Naruto, you're going to have to turn towards me if I'm gonna help."

Turning towards a naked Sakura took way more willpower than I thought I would _ever_ need to look at a naked girl. I'll admit, I've looked at girly mags before, even took my turn at trying to peek at the girl's side of the hotsprings like every other red-blooded guy in our class. But Sakura was my _teammate_, and that, for whatever reason, made it _different_. When I actually managed to turn, looking straight at Sakura's face and not one _inch_ lower, she looked almost as nervous as I felt, but seemed determined to keep her earlier promise.

"Just, well, just tell me if you start to freak out, okay?"

Still not looking any lower than her eyes, I gave one slow nod. Sakura took a deep breath before letting her own trail lower.

-Section Break\\Sakura-

My respect for Naruto's self control went up a notch or ten. Whatever his _body _might be, he was still _thinking _like a guy, but doing an admirable job of not looking anywhere he thought I might not want him to. To be perfectly honest, there were things he probably didn't want _me_ to look at either, but I had a promise to keep.

Naruto had an impressive array of scars down his chest, a silent testament to a hard childhood, made even worse by the knowledge I had as a medic. Naruto's healing factor prevented scarring from all but the worst injuries. Down further, there was a large sealing array covering the majority of his stomach, looking to all the world like a big spiral sunburst. I don't know what it does, and Naruto offered no explanations, which was fine. Given his Whirlpool ancestry, it could easily be a lost secret of a dead Village, and I felt no reason to press the issue.

My eyes finally reached their goal. I'm... not really sure what I was expecting. Naruto looked just like any other girl down there, albeit one who hadn't shaved in forever. Really, his carpet was practically a bush! Suppressing the mother of all blushes, I looked back at Naruto's face.

"This is going to sound weird, but I need you to spread your legs a little."

For a moment, I thought Naruto's face was going to burst into flame, which would have been utterly hilarious if the situation wasn't so mutually mortifying. Still, he responded to my request, which gave me a better view.

Yeah, it was a vagina. A very, _very_, hairy vagina. No _wonder_ the poor blonde was complaining about itching. If I let my carpet get past _stubble_ stage on the lips I feel like someone's put ants down my shorts, never mind letting it get to the point of proper curls!

"Yeah, we'll have to trim this first." I quietly observe.

"Trim?"

I was already rummaging through the kit I had gotten from the tower's Quartermaster, pulling the short scissors from their protective pouch.

"Yes, trim. If you try to shave hair that's too long it'll just foul the razor blades. We need to cut it back first."

It was funny, watching him fight the very male instinct of keeping sharp, pointy objects wielded by females as far away from his crotch as possible, but after a few false starts I had managed to trim the bush down into something more manageable by a proper razor. A quick rummage through my basket later had me spraying shaving cream into my hand.

"Alright, normally all I keep is a landing strip, but it's probably best if we just do a flat shave to start."

Naruto's face went quizzical for a moment, but his freaking _steel-_clad self control meant that he didn't look anywhere but my face.

"What's a landing strip?"

My face did a _great_ impression of a tomato at that. I mean, what kind of question is that to ask a girl?! The look of shock at my reaction reminded me, however, that it was likely an honest one. Slowly fighting down the urge to just _punch_ something, or some_one_, I sat the easily throw-able can of shaving cream back in the basket.

"W-well, a landing strip is, umm, that is, it's..." I chewed on my lip, trying to find an appropriate explanation. Everything I could come up with would just lead to further questions, or relied on knowledge that Naruto wouldn't have. Sighing, I spread my own legs a little, and motioned towards my groin with my free hand. "It might be easier just to show you."

Naruto slowly, _slowly, _let his eyes drift down. Past my breasts, down the stomach, and, finally, to my own crotch. My carpet is the same pink color as my hair, obviously, and trimmed into a single thin strip, starting at my slit and extending a good two inches towards my naval.

"Umm..." I wasn't aware that it was possible to turn the shade of red that Naruto's face achieved, and he turned away quickly. "I think I get the idea now."

I let go of a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. Awkward doesn't even begin to describe... but nothing for it now bu to go on. I scooted closer to Naruto, quickly spreading the shaving cream over his groin. I had just gotten the razor into position when I noticed that Naruto was shaking.

"Naruto, are you okay?"

As soon as I asked, the shaking stopped and a goofy grin had been plastered onto his face.

"It's nothing, I'm fine!"

Oh, no. It had taken us five _months_, and that life-or-death nonsense that was Wave, to finally get to know the real Naruto. Mortified or not, I was _not _going to let him slip back into that shell.

"No, you're not. Talk to me." I insisted, waving the razor to emphasize my point.

The smile disappeared, and the shaking returned in earnest.

"I-it's stupid." he started, his voice weak.

"Tell me." I insisted still, accidentally smearing some of the leftover shaving cream on his shoulder.

Tears, honest to goodness _tears_ were starting to flow down his whisker tattoo's.

"I-it's just, here I am, naked with the girl I spent my entire school career crushing on, with her hand on my crotch. It's like, some kind of freaking _dream_ come true, and I can't even get off to it if I wanted to! I don't even know _HOW TO JACK OFF _anymore!"

The shaking finally gave way to sobbing, and I noticed that some of the shaving cream was running down Naruto's thigh. What was there to say? What _could_ I say? My teammate was literally being _psychologically tortured_ in his own skin, and there was nothing I could do about it. Screw it, I was already in up to my eyeballs. Ignoring the shaving cream, I pulled Naruto into a hug.

"We'll find a cure." I whispered. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, I _will_ find a cure for this. And Sasuke and I'll still be here until that happens. That's a promise of a lifetime!"

**Authors Notes:** Oh, boy. Where to begin? First off, I am alive (good to know, right?), and I am still writing fanfics! Before anyone asks, no fic of mine is dead until I declare it such, but I can't and won't promise any kind of update schedule. Second, this story is a bit of a different beast for me. I won't go into the concept of it here, as that will ruin some of my plot twists later, but I will say that anyone who came looking for genderbent Naruto porn will be sorely disappointed. If you came looking for a psychological joyride, you've come to the right place, and I welcome you to stay with me as we continue deeper.

Your still burning author

S.P.


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